PeTA Desperate for Attention

In an attempt to deflect attention from recent news reports that they kill over 97% of the pet animals they get their hands on, PeTA is floundering around trying to make other news by latching on to any and every story that is making headlines.

They’re like sleaze bag attorney Mark Geragos, or quack pop psychologist Dr. Phil chasing after celebrities trying to get their name in the headlines by offering unwanted and ineffectual “expert” advice.

What the hell does PeTA have to do with Roger Clemens? Nothing relevant except Roger is in the headlines over possible steroid use and PeTA wants a piece of that action, so they’ve sent him a letter (one of those open letters where you don’t give a crap if the person reads it, you’re just trying to get attention).

The author, PeTA Assistant Director Dan Shannon tries hard to be funny, but his jokes are about as humorous as PeTA slaughtering 250 healthy pet animals for every 1 they find a home for. Apparently, PeTA thinks that Clemens can make all his troubles go away by eating veggies, just like PeTA thinks that they can make the non-existent pet overpopulation problem go away by killing 97% of the dogs they can get close enough to stick a needle into.

And if baseball pitchers and steriods weren’t tangential enough, PETA is trying to jump aboard the press surrounding a man who was found eating his girlfriend:

The People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals faxed a letter Thursday to the Smith County Sheriff’s Jail in Tyler, Texas, asking that 25-year-old Christopher Lee McCuin be placed on a strict vegetarian diet to prevent him from being “involved in any senseless killing” while he’s behind bars, said PETA Vice President Bruce Friedrich.

“Only in a culture where people routinely kill and eat living, feeling beings — corpses — would anybody think to kill and either eat or pretend to eat a human corpse,” Friedrich said in a phone interview.

Petaphiles have obviously missed out on the pillar of scholarship that is In Defence of Cannibalism, a seminal report paving the way for a future of Soylent Green: It’s People!

And since it’s election season and everyone thinks they’re a political pundit, PeTA can’t resist getting in on the debate with their “Road to the Greenhouse” video, replete with Clinton cigar jokes, floppy penis jokes, and a 7-11 vs. 9/11 joke. Nyuk nyuk.

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