In one of those “answer some questions about yourself and we’ll tell you what cliché you are (replete with photo and code so you can advertise our website for us on your page)” quizzes, they decided that the Border Collies of the human world are: Bill Gates, Bill Clinton, Martha Stewart, and Barbara Walters.
GAG! Not a single one of those people says Border Collie to me.
Bill Gates is super smart and a workaholic, certainly Border Collie traits. But he’s awkward, anti-social, and a nerd. While Border Collies will certainly turn down playing with other dogs at the dog park should you present them with the “job” of playing fetch, they’re hardly anti-social. Nor are they in any way awkward or weak or nerdy.
Bill Gates made his fame by riding one idea that he stole all the way to the top, helped out at the start with a million dollars from Mommie. Gates’ company became the de facto standard, but few people think it works very well, and a severe lack of competition in the market have kept it that way.
Border Collies, on the other hand, weren’t the first nor the most privileged herding dogs. They’ve risen to the top by sheer talent. They are the best, not the first. Their talent lends them useful in numerous other areas. Bill Gates would never be the helm of any other company than his own. He’s not a particularly talented coder nor a leader, and he’s certainly not a shepherd. The most famous Pirate of Silicon Valley is little like a Border Collie.
Who is a better choice? Sir Richard Branson.
Branson is also brilliant, a billionaire, and a workaholic like Gates. But he didn’t get beat up in high school by the middle school bullies. Branson is handsome, charming, competitive, dexterous, and even flashy; all things that embody the Border Collie spirit. Bonus points for being British.
Bill Clinton? He might be a dog, but he’s no Border Collie. He is irretrievably unfaithful. No Border Collie I have ever me has been anything less than faithful. The bond between a Border Collie and its handler is one of the wonders of the dog world. Bill and Hillary’s bond is one of the most twisted and shallow political arrangements between an oversexed hillbilly and a sexless machine who begrudges her gender. He is a compulsive a liar. Border Collies are one of the most forthright breeds there is.
Clinton is a traitor. He sold his country out for $ from communist China, bombed countries to avert attention from his infidelity, and sold pardons to rich domestic sleaze bags. No Border Collie can be lured away from their task with a pittance in bribes. Clinton is gutter trash, he pimped out the Lincoln Bedroom and stole the White House China. Border Collies take no obvious payment for their jobs, they live for the work, they don’t skim. To Clinton, having the title and the power was the highest goal and he sold his soul and all common decency to get and attain that power. To a Border Collie, the power is a tool to be used to excel at the work. Doing the work is the highest goal, not having the title.
Who is a better choice? Teddy Roosevelt.
Teddy was famed for his energy, his diverse interests, his magnetism, his impressive accomplishments, and his outdoorsmanship. His style and attributes mesh well with all the things we like about Border Collies.
Roosevelt was the first US President to win the Nobel Peace Prize for negotiating the end of the Russo-Japanese War and later arbitrated a conclusion to a dispute between France and Germany over Morocco, likely forestalling what could have been WWI years before lesser men let it happen. That’s the kind of strong persuasive leadership that Border Collies demonstrate on the pastures every day.
Roosevelt was an upbeat workaholic that got results and enjoyed physical work. He was an avid hunter even studied Judo. The Border Collie is a physical worker, at home on the land, but not a brute force physical power. The stalking, responsive elements necessary for hunting and Judo are also key in the Border Collie’s herding style using “eye” with careful pressure and using the flock’s momentum against the sheep.
Roosevelt wore many hats; a Cowboy, Historian, Police Commissioner, Naval Secretary, Rough Rider, Governor, Vice President, President, Peacemaker, and Mighty Hunter. The Border Collie excels in more diverse areas than any other breed of dog, at the top in brains and brawn. Border Collies excel on the Farm, the Ranch, on the Range, in both Urban and Suburban environments, in sport, in play, and in all sorts of work from anything involving livestock to law enforcement, search and rescue to handicap assistance.
Martha Stewart has nothing to do with Border Collies. She’s a domestic trend setter who is heavy on substanc
e and light on character. Border Collies aren’t frilly, they’re not doting, they aren’t architectural or high fashion. Border Collies don’t tart up the common place with some ribbon and powdered sugar and sell it for ten times the price, and they certainly aren’t domestic.
If any breed could care less about the table cloth matching the curtains, it’s the Border Collie. The Border Collie wouldn’t shed a tear if the house burned down as long as the yard were intact, and to a Border Collie, an herb garden is a waste of pace that should be reserved for catching Frisbees, burying bones, and stalking squirrels on.
Martha is condescending and pedantic, two traits that you’ll never find in a Border Collie. She’s ruthless and unapologetic, characteristics that don’t make for good working sheepdogs. She’s also a shameless self promoter whose work is all about her, her ego, and her name. You won’t find a Martha Stewart in the Border Collie breed. The fact that she prefers the brainless and nasty Chow Chow says it all.
Who is a better choice? Bob Ross.
Bob Ross was a self effacing man of talent who promoted his craft above himself. He was a simple and effective teacher of technique, not an endless fad chaser (although many of us would have preferred that he kept up with some fads, especially regarding hair styles for white men). The Border Collie’s talent isn’t a fad or based on the whims of trend setters. The amazing ability of the Border Collie is about performance and refined technique and getting untalented and unskilled animals where you want them to go. The proof is in the pudding, not in how the self anointed elite feel about the pudding. Bob Ross shepherded a whole lot of unrefined people through the rocky hills and happy forests.
Bob Ross was a man of the people, making his career on Public Television. The Border Collie is likewise an approachable savant, low key and yet highly skilled. Bob Ross gained respect through the efficacy of his technique, not the poshness of his image. So too is the Border Collie famed because no breed does it better, not because no breed looks better making the attempt.
Ross was also a little old fashioned and pedestrian, two traits that wouldn’t be insulting to the Border Collie. They certainly are old fashioned and approachable by the common man, but they aren’t limited to those roles by any means.
And Barbara Walters? What? This choice is as baseless as the others. Barbara Walters is one step above a tabloid whore, the type of journalist how chases after celebrities and trys to make them seem deeper and more reflective than they are. Walters is a spoiled little rich girl who grew up in a stew of B-list celebrities and entitlement, and it shows.
Baba Wawa is a toy poodle, not a Border Collie. Nothing about her speaks to what we love in the Border Collie. She’s not a hard worker, asking a few wading pool deep questions of the rich and famous isn’t hard work. She’s not particularly smart. Her commentary is about as deep as her makeup; sure, it’s trowelled on thick and clunky to cover up the flaws, but it’s still only paper thin and artifice. Nor does she transcend class, moving just as easily among rural cowboys as urban flyballers. She is steeped in debutante culture and she never leaves the soft filter and bright lights.
A better choice? Brian Williams.
A talent so effortless that you’d say that he was born for the job? That’s a Border Collie.
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Anton
Christopher
Lawrence Dillard
Lech
Stephanie
Essere
I would love to read who you would pick for a sheltie! Great read! Woofs, Johann
A lot of the picks for BC work for Shelties, too. But I’d add someone like Rachel Ray. She has a lot of charisma and charm, like the Sheltie, and she’s not hard on the eyes.
She is also very successful in her job, but amazingly approachable at the same time. Whereas some of her competitors who are Celebrity Chefs might get the same kind of plaudits as Border Collies, being “the best,” with all their flash and training, Rachel herself is clearly more palatable than the edge and ego that comes with those other folks.
And isn’t that the advantage Shelties have over the Border Collies? They’re more approachable for the average person, they’re less threatening, they’re a lot of dog in a small unassuming package, and they’re not unwilling to play up the cute factor.
To a lot of people, a Border Collie like Bobbie Flay might be a bit too much, but a Sheltie like Rachel Ray or Giada DeLorentis is someone you wouldn’t mind taking home. You’ll probably never notice any difference in the quality of their performance despite the supposed difference in their ability.
:c)
Very clever and on mark. Until…you insulted the Poodle by equating them to Bawa.
You have obviously been misled by media stereotypes rather than personal knowledge of this brilliant and adaptable breed.
Jan,
You’re right, I am going by popular image, not first hand knowledge. I didn’t mean to imply that Toy Poodles are all the nasty things I said about Babwa, simply that her public image and their public image are one in the same.
In my defense, I did say Toy Poodle. Toy dogs in general scare me, right down to the toy Australian Shepherds that are all the new rage.
As for the big Poodles, they are always at the top of the Doggy IQ lists, but I don’t know anyone who has them! I know plenty of Poodle crosses, but I can’t for the life of me think of an in the flesh Poodle besides the ones I see at Dog shows getting primped up (poor things they have head and body restraints that hold them for all that grooming! I guess it looks more uncomfortable than it is though, because most of the time the dogs are asleep!).
Perhaps I should have called her an Afghan Hound (do those come in a toy version?!) or a Chinese Crested, instead. I was saving the Chinese Crested for Joan Rivers though.
Hey, you non-agricultural person — take this back! (;-))
“to a Border Collie, an herb garden is a waste of space that should be reserved for catching Frisbees, burying bones, and stalking squirrels on.”
Oh, no, no, dear — Border Collies LOVE herb gardens — especially those with thyme and rosemary in them. Anyone in sustainable agriculture will tell you that their dogs LOVE to roll in the herbs — especially the thyme — and most of us in sustainable ag have Border Collies.
I have colleges that have put in extra thyme beds just so their dog has a place to roll in (or is it so that they have a place they can actually harvest herbs from? ;-)). This is actually useful as thyme repeals fleas and ticks.
Had I known how much Pepper would love the herb Rosemary, I would have named her that (the perils of getting a dog in December when the plants are dormant! ;-)). It’s also a good flea and tick repellant and it makes the dog smell (nice to us for once! ;-)).
This weekend, we’re actually putting mint plugs from the community garden at the dog park because it’s a good ground cover and once again, the dogs will smell “good to us” when they roll in it.
Adding an herbal essential oil (thyme, rosemary, mint, etc) to the vinegar/water rinse for after you’ve washed your dog also seems to make baths a little less traumatic for dogs as once again, they don’t smell so much like “dogs”, it gives some flea/tick protection and the smell is something humans can stand to be around.
Herb gardens and Border Collies — a great combination for everyone! 😀
Dorene
I’m a bulldog… I felt insulted until I remembered my grandparents had them back in the day, when they were much more um, dog-like. 😀
I would agree with your pick for Sheltie – Rachel Ray – can’t stand either of them…they yap too much. 😉
man, I hope YOU don’t think you’re a border collie: you’re not smart enough to lick a border collie’s butt. You need to stay away from social “commentary” if you want people to think you’re smart.
As it is, you come off like some adolescent boy who hasn’t gotten laid in.. forever.
Anon,
I know it’s 4/20, but lay off the weed. Licking a Border Collie’s anus has never been a test of intelligence, no matter what your high school guidance counselor told you. You should consider removing your own superiority at canine anilingus from your resume, it might explain your chronic unemployment.
I make no apologies for adolescent antics, read the first post on this blog. You’ll do well to focus on the ranting baby and the Malcolm in the Middle video featuring dropping stinking diapers from balloons.
I’m well skilled at proving to people that I’m smart and an ass, but you are just an ass. And no, I won’t lick you to prove that I’m smart and/or not a virgin, as you imply.
And as for chastity, I suggest you look into it. The world certainly doesn’t need you to breed. Or just stick with anal, since that’s the “smart” thing to do.
The quiz said that my border collie celebrity equivalent was Jennifer Lopez. I think of her more of a Jennifer Garner or Sandra Bullock kind of gal. Not so glam, more down to earth. I have to agree with your assessment of the dogster quiz. Keep up the great blog, I really enjoyed the barbie collies can herd post. I especially enjoyed the blacked out eyes on the pictures of “andi”, “davidson” and the sheep!!! Too funny!
It’s just a fun little quiz.
It’s just a fun little quiz.
It’s just a fun little quiz.
It’s just a fun little quiz.
Great blog! Entertaining & insightful. I agree with all you say about the Border Collie. I currently own one (former Australian Shepherd person) & love the dog for her incredible ability to communicate (she's very good at letting us know what she wants…without barking, that is) & the speed at which she learns.
Anyway, I took the quiz & they said I was a Lab. I'll accept that. Lab's aren't too bad, though I do think of myself as more of a Border since I am rather obsessive like they tend to be.
I really like this list, and agree on all points.
It was really fun, and entertaining to read!